I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
