Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
