Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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