dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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