dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
