It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
