I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize