I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
