not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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