I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
