You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
