i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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