Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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