I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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