Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize