I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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