In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
