i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bring money and cleavage
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
