sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
high people should be assigned attendants
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
