I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
