Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
