Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
People in love make me want to vomit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
