i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize