I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
