I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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