The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
