Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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