dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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