Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
