I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
