Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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