You just made me feel so damn special
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
