im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
