Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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