you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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