My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
