I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this hospital has no fireball
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
