I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
