so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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