Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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