never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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