Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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