Your mouth is God's brothel.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
