he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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