I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
