your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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