He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
