he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
