Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
