i just had sex bonerless
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
