They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
