I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
