What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
