your parents love me but you hate me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
