she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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