Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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