Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
