I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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