uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im part way to drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
