I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize