he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
