my phone needs a breathalizer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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