my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
