Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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