I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize