I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
