We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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