you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
