Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
