chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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