wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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