I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
