oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
