Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
