I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
