I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
