I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
