Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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