I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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