Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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