the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
