Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
