I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
