I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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