I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
